FAMILY MATTERS LEGALITY

        HOW SUCCESSFUL IS MEDIATION IN RESOLVING FAMILY DISPUTES ?

 

Being an advocate who extensively practice in the field of Family matters, I have come across various instances where a miniature difference of opinion between husband and wife turn into an inferno and flare up with the destruction of the once believed to be, a  sacred relationship . From time immemorial, marriage has been considered not as a mere union of man and wife but a sanctity has been attached to the relationship which as per Hindu rituals is conducted by taking an oath and taking seven steps around the “Agni”.  In the case of Christian and Muslim marriages ,it is done as per their respective rituals thus attaching an element of sanctity.

 

 

The sacredness is slowly disappearing among the present day generation and is replaced as a marriage of convenience. As per legal term “marriage is a contract “ as it satisfies all the elements of a contract, ie from offer to acceptance and to compensation. There is no explicit exit clause whereas the couple prescribes their own exit clause . The legal definition is now stupendously followed. With the aid of trained advocates , no, the well informed persons around, they dig into the various Acts like CrPC, D.V.Act , Marriage Act and IPC and arm themselves to face any eventuality.

 

 

Filing of the case itself is done due to the egging  by  the persons around . Here the Parents take a big role either due to ego clash or self imposed prestige . The uncompromising attitude of the disputants make it difficult to make a mutual compromise. The courts first refer the matter for mediation which is called court directed mediations. The parties do not normally take it seriously which ends up with the referring back the matter to the court.

 

 

In my experience, I try to the maximum extent to make a compromise either through the court directed Mediation and /or through my intervention as a Mediator. When an advocate representing one party takes the role of a Mediator what ever be the sincerity, this is misconstrued and looked upon suspiciously. It requires a large amount of patience, tolerance and untiring effort to convince both parties . Institution of marriage is no longer considered as sacred.

 

 

The family mediation is an interesting episodes where allegations and counter allegations come up .The best way is to allow both parties to make arguments and counter arguments  lending a patient hearing. At one point of time they will be totally exhausted and bereft of any further points to argue with. This is the time when the need of a Mediator is required. During one of such sessions, I came across an interesting question put forward by the wife whether she is not eligible for monetary compensation or salary for her work as a home keeper. This was an interesting point indeed. It is probable that similar  type of logical argument may come up in future . a valid point indeed in the case of a house wife.  Her services cannot be simply ignored as out of love and affection towards the family. Yes , there is a greater part of such sentimental values are present  , but when marriage is defined in legal terms as a contract, the compensation part will also come for the service rendered by the wife.

 

 

This reminds me of the manifesto issued by a political party wherein salary to house wife has been shown as one of the items. Logically it is correct, which gives her a freedom and she is being acknowledged as an individual, gives her freedom to invest such earning in a profitable ventures or portfolios which may generate earning for the benefit of the “House Inc.” This is more pertinent , as in Income Tax  parleys  , individual income or source of income is required.  Such source of income can be explained by a house wife other wise she would remain as an unpaid servant.

 

 

Other aspects which aggravate the relationship of a couple is income disparity when both are employed. This is triggered more by their friends and kins and end up in small  miniature arguments  which may inflate into a bigger disputes, distrust, suspicion and to a major allegation of infidelity a basic element for divorce. Then comes the active involvement of dear and near ones to lodge police complaint and actions under D.V. Act and dowry torture etc.etc.

 

 

Hence the best way is to resolve the issues in the budding stage itself by proper mediation. A trained mediator looks at it differently and approach it in a different angle by gaining confidence of both the parties . a major percentage of family disputes could be very well resolved through mediation whether it is a property dispute between family members or a difference between a couple.

 

 

 I have seen in my profession that such family disputes make the parties to take vengeance as the case progresses due to the action and counter actions prompted by the advocates. The sentiment factor between brothers and sisters or parents disappear and one is driven by the sole goal of winning the case. Meanwhile they forget the fact that they loose money and their precious time which could never be compensated.

 

By  Adv. J.venkitachalam

Presently practicing in the Madras High Court

Can be reached in Mob.7305542434

 

 

  A few days with a ghost                        

                                   Chapter 15                                                         

                                                                                gratuitous adventure

 

Geetha had made a niche as a social activist. She became popular though not as prominent as Mrs. Medha Patkar.  Her activities started getting attraction both from media and she also earned enough hostility. There was no wonder why her activities were being watched by certain elements . 

In India either there should be a social activist to bringout the evils in the society or there should be intervention of the Court to alert  the administration or legislature and to wake it up from its slumber. Even to protect the waterbodies the Court has to pass direction which happens in other countries  in normal course .  It could be a PIL , Public interest Litigation Petition or a suo moto action by the Court. The day to day administration of the State is even streamlined by the Court by intervening often which is a pathetic state of democracy. 

Criminalisation of politics is frequently used as a catch word by all political parties at the time of election but the criminal background is conveniently kept under carpet when filing nominations.  Indian politics is entwined with criminalisation and blackmoney . It seems that highly democratic countries are either influenced by family rule or money power as it was in US by Koch Brothers. Probably the influence of money and muscle power are some of the reasons for evils in the society and absence of an effective mechanism to bring to the book faster. Legal loopholes, political interference, delay in trials and dearth of political will power could be the reasons for the absence of effective mechanism.

 

It so happened that Geetha stumbled upon a lead through an informant. It was regarding exploitation of innocent  and financially struggling women who were being deceptively made to become surrogate mothers  and she got some leads on this. As   the girls who got trapped were poor they were scared to go to police . One or two girls who became victim approached her for help. The girls were not even aware that they were in the web of a larger conspiracy of infant trading. The modus operandi was to some how lure the gullible girls either by offering money, intimidation or blackmail. 

Geetha smelt something fishy and decided to investigate into this as part of her social activity and to bring justice to the women who were affected and to expose the people involved in this operation. 

‘Are you a Sherlock Holmes?’ quizzed Monica .

‘eh’

‘we should go deep into this ‘ answered Geetha. 

 Geetha and her friend visited the hospital to get further clue on this.  But she failed to find out any thing foul . While she was waiting to see the doctor , a couple was sitting nearby . She made some enquiries and on a casual talk she came to know that the couple had come to visit the doctor to discuss about surrogacy which the doctor had advised them. As there was nothing suspicious ,  she left it as it was without making any  attempt to further investigate. She was not even sure whether she would be able to dig out the buried secrets from within the four walls of the ill reputed hospitals or she was not sure about its existence even. However she only knew of some web of conspiracies and did not have any idea about the conspirators.

 

    ‘Surrogacy is an arrangement, often supported by a legal agreement, whereby a woman  agrees to bear a child for another person or people, who will become the child's parent(s) after birth, she explained to them .

 

People may seek a surrogacy arrangement when pregnancy is medically impossible, when pregnancy risks are dangerous for the intended mother, or when a single man or a male couple wish to have a child. Surrogacy is considered one of many assisted reproductive technologies’ she explained in Malayalam,  their native language. 

      After a few days she received a call from the same couple . They informed that the hospital was asking high amount as this had to be given to the Surrogate mother and they could not find any means to meet it. The hospital also informed that the cost could be reduced to below five lakhs if they could find a surrogate mother themselves. After much thought she volunteered herself to help them so that  she could get into the details from the hospital to find the truth. Apparently there was  nothing to suspect. 

     She informed  Monica her close friend about her misadventure.  Though Monica dissuaded her ,She consented to be the surrogate mother. The procedure went on well . After a few days she had to visit the hospital for check up. The embryo had not grown and was at  primitive stage. Both of them left the hospital.

A few days with a ghost.                                 Adv. Janardhanan venkiachalam

continues

 

 

 A few days with a ghost.

Chapter 14

 

death of Parvathy

The sudden death of Parvathy collapsed D’Souza and for the first time in life  he felt  orphaned since Parvathy was his all. His dream, emotions, fortune, friend  and every thing.Their relationship was much beyond that of a  husband and wife  much more than that. Viswanathan pacified him . His only solace was his daughters who were bright .” Viswanathan , you know I am totally devastated with the death of Parvathy’  De’souza told. Any words would not pacify him, Viswanathan knew.

 Geetha was very active in the College Union. In Kerala , the rudiments of political learning  start from school days and it slowly develops in colleges and most of the students get graduated in political awareness along with their academic qualifications. Probably this might be the reasons that most of the political leaders have background of student leadership. Each Political party has a student wing like SFI for CPM, KSU for  Congress ,  Vidyarthi Parishad representing BJP like that. Geetha was Social and cultural club chairman. Similarly there are various clubs like Arts Club, Literature club etc etc. One way it is good since it creates political awareness and build up a good leadership. As the head of the Club, she devoted sincerely in its activities and also earned enough hostility from different circles in the society.

 She spearheaded a protest rally when some of the tribal women in Attapadi were raped by some influential persons . In exposing them she faced even life threats. This never deterred Geetha and her team in continuing in raising their voice against such atrocities  in the Society. Being a student wing it attracted more popularity from the media and also that much enmity form some unknown people. Her efforts had exposed a blood donation racket for which she had life threatening attempts not only for her but her father as well. Her close company included Ramakrishnan who was also a “yuva turk’,  Monika another friend who was studying for medical. Monika was from the tribal group of Attapadi and a brilliant girl .There was no wonder why she turned out to be a social crusader. She has every reason to be part the movement as she had seen her community suffer irrespective of the fact who ever is in power.

 Monika had an undisclosed feeling towards Ramakrishnan. This,  she had been keeping in mind and used to flush when ever they all meet. Geetha had noticed this but didn’t make any  sign of knowledge. The most interesting part was Ramakrishnan toyed with an idea of marrying Geetha and Geetha was never informed and she was in blank but had exchanged their heart. Since all of them were staying nearby, without notice the quorum would be called and everyone would be present along with other social Club members. Years passed by and Ramakrishnan got a job as Junior scientific officer in TIFR , Bombay. Monika joined a hospital, but the meetings of the three continued every six months.

A few days with a ghost.                          Adv. Janardhanan venkiachalam

continues

 

 

A few days with a ghost.

Chapter 13

 the past

The friendship between D’souza and Parvathy alias Parvathy Menon took a new turn.

The Theyyam dance was held as organised by the Thekkedath . People worship the Theyyam with much reverence and reveal their wishes  The Theyyam  blesses and gives  predictions and people believe that the Theyyam has  occult powers .  Being a member of the Thekkedath, Parvathy and households went to Theyyam and the Theyyam made a shocking prediction on seeing Parvathy.’Nee tharavattil ninnu vittu pogum’ Theyyam said in Malayalam, ‘you will go out of the Tharavadu’. No one could understand the meaning at that time. 

As the prediction that it may, , Parvathy and D’souza got married in a small function along with their close friends. Though her father PTR Menon did not give approval though he was a communist ideologist, he didn’t raise any objections. D’Souza got a transfer to Ernakulam and they started a new life there. 

After a few years Parvathy gave birth to a girl child whom they named Geetha Shiny, probably they wanted the name to carry the semblance of both castes to please the Thekkedath Tharavdu. They seldom went to Thekkedath and the people of Payinampally  had forgotten them. 

With the death of Menonettan the feud between both Tharavads eased and became cordial. Much changes took place in Payanampally and the Theyyam took various forms with the developments of the Panchayat and influx of new crowds who migrated to the village. Theyyam became no more an affair of two families but a temple celebration.

--------------------------------------

Parvathy finished her postgraduation in Political Science and joined as a lecturer in a nearby college. With the death of her father their connection with Thekkedath tharavadu totally became disconnected. But their thirst for social activities kept them busy. Both D’Souza and Parvathy were active in the field of social activities like organising blood camps, visits to old age homes etc etc kept them busy. No wonder that their children Geetha and Jesly also got involved in such activities and nurtured the same. 

The youngers used to gather in the evenings in the house of D’souza . Parvathy and D’Souza have grown old. With Geetha graduating in Physics had chosen specialisation in Nuclear Physics as she was so attracted to this area of science. She and her class mate Ramakrishnan Viswanathan became very close. 

Viswanathan Iyer was  a renowned advocate .The association of Viswanathan and D’Souza began while they were in Cannanore. Viswanathan was then practicing  as an advocate in the District and other subordinate courts. Later he decided to move to Ernakulam , the seat of Kerala High Court. He was having many clients both criminal side and civil . Being thorough with IPC he earned laurels in handling criminal side. The High Court being appellate court , his versatility in viewing the cases  were totally different. While handling a case and putting up his oral  argument he started’ My Lord, the provisions of the Act are not to be used capriciously but logically…….’ Whereas the Prosecution ………”. 

The meeting point of the two was the congruity of their views based on communist ideologies. When the chemistry works out the friendship grows and the association becomes inseparable. Thus was the case of Viswanathan and D’Souza. So there was  no wonder how the children of two became closer. It so happened that both Geetha and Ramakrishnan got interest in Nuclear Physics and they pursued their studies.

 

A few days with a ghost.                                   Adv. Janardhanan venkiachalam

continues

 

A few days with a ghost

 Chapter 12 

woes  of the ghost 

I lied down on the bed and my mind wandered over the brief exchange with Mr.Christophe. Stella wanted to spend the night with her father. I was alone  in my room rolling over the bed and was trying to catch a wink. 

I was thinking about our marriage and how to be performed. As per German tradition , normally marriage takes not much time. Before that there existed a system of Proposal. The groom should propose to the girl his intention to get married with her. This is considered as the first step and is celebrated over a wine or Champagne. A civil ceremony precedes the official Church wedding. But most of the couples prefer a simple civil ceremony done in front of Standesamt, the Registry of Marriages. 

 My thoughts were broken by a light muffled sound announcing the  presence of Geetha  Shiny.

‘so you have decided to get married’ she asked

‘what/ how do you know?’

‘I could read your mind’.

‘were you there when we were talking/’, I asked

‘no’. ‘we ghosts would never be present without calling’.

‘without calling ?’ then why are you here now ?, I never called you’.

‘But the moment you thought, how I would feel if it is known to me‘ is   

enough’ she replied.

‘Yes. It was my mistake’. She giggled.

‘don’t bother, I am not here to break your dreams’ she replied.

Before drifting to sleep I continued.

 ‘can you come visible’?

‘no, we ghosts are shy to come visible to human eye’, but we can do wonders and we have paranormal powers as defined in Para physics’.

‘were you a scientist and you talk about Paraphysics?’

‘ya, I was a nuclear physics student’

‘that is surprising ’, can you explain about your world and pattern of omnipresence’

‘no, you misunderstood me, we are not omnipresent, only god is omnipresent’ she spoke in a mild voice: Paraphysics is a branch of science which deals with super natural existence of some being or material" ,  in short it is connected with  the study of evidence of psychological phenomena , such as telepathy, clairvoyance, extra sensory perception, and such para psychological behavioural pattern”.

‘so how come you established contact with me?’

‘you may know it in the days to come, how ever I can only say that there was a meeting point of our ideas, friendship or connections which made it possible for me to establish a contact with you’.

‘ I was studying in a college where I had association with one person and we studied together and who is now a Nuclear Scientist’. With that she stopped and disappeared leaving me to guess .I could have seen  an emotional outburst in her eyes ,if she were visible to me.

I could not sleep any further . This was not new to me as  I had  spent so many sleepless nights or used to get up in delirium. Though I tried ,I could not dismiss my thoughts nor was able to forget the things as a wild dream. I tried to put my brain into active mode and the brain started to pry the past and left clueless.

  

A few days with a ghost.                                   Adv. Janardhanan venkiachalam

continues

 

A few days with a ghost.                         

                                                                 

Chapter 11

cultural integration 

I corrected him “ it is not Menong , it is Menon” . He again called me the same.

After several  attempts I left it as it was and didn’t try to correct him again.

He might have thought that I was dating with his daughter . As dating was very common in Europe , there was no embarrassment. Really I didn’t know whether I was dating with her. We were good friends , other than that there was nothing between us. 

“Hai, how can it be?, you have shared bed with her and now you are thinking yourself as very innocent” My mind asked me.  

My Indian feelings raised in me. That is the problem with us. We feel that our culture is the best one and others are inferior to us. Dating doesn’t mean sharing the bed . It would provide an occasion to know each other. Now in India also,  living together, dating etc have become very common. But in India the dating has a different connotation whereas in Europe and other countries this had been there from early days and treated as the best way to find a match. I cursed my mind and pulled it out of these nonsense thoughts. 

After the Delhi horrifying rape incidents there was  much hue and cry.Protest rallies , etc etc were held and the heat diffused later and we witness spate of rape incidents.  

‘Hello Nayyar’, again he faultered, any way for him Nayyar , Nair or  Menong do not have much difference .Her father’s voice brought me back to the present.  

Mr. Christophe  is a farmer having a big farm away from Munich. Occasionally  he comes to Munich to see his daughter. Germans generally are with well-knit  family bondage. His wife Annie ie Stella’s mother was  married to him around three decades before . Other than Stella they have got one son who studies for PhD in Psychology  in one of the oldest universities in Berlin .  This demolishes Indian assumptions  that westerners are not disciplined in life . 

Though by birth  he was Spanish, by domicile , he had become a German. Germans are quite hard working and highly law abiding citizens. For each activity they used to see the law book to confirm whether it was legal or not. Initially I was wondering why they maintain ten meter gap between each vehicle while driving as I was not used to this since no motorist observes such rules  in India , even though the rule book says. 

‘yes , Mr. Christophe. 

‘I have come to meet my daughter and also to see her boy friend’ Christophe responded , ‘ I have advised my daughter to choose who ever she feels good for her life’ , after all it is her life we parents do not have anything to say’ he continued.

‘Hmm’ He looked at Stella. She sported a smile.

‘we have decided to get into marriage’ I told. Stella flushed and flashed a smile.

A few days with a ghost.                   Adv. Janardhanan venkiachalam

continues

 

 A few days with a ghost.                    Chapter 10

life in Munich

 Stella is a brilliant  staff reporter and a sharp photographer working in CNN  in our team. During the recent accident in Munich, her swift movements covering the accident spot brought accolades to our team.  She has been in our team for the past four years and we both developed an intimacy because of our close association. 

 I was staying at Fieldmoching in Munich , a little far away from the City. I could see the BMW tower from my residence  which was a little far away. 

 Out side it was snowing down .Braving the biting  cold I stepped out of my apartment  wearing a long ash coloured coat and a cap to cover my head and ears.   I had  resemblance of  Mr Drake of Drake detective agency close aide of Perry Mason, the investigative  Lawyer. Weather was chilly and I was shivering inside my coat  and my HTC mobile showed the temperature  as -2 degree Celsius with a feel of -7 degree and the wind was blowing at 50 kmph. 

Stella held my arms closely. She looked beautiful in her brown coat with brown coloured  woollen bristles attached to her coat spread like an angel’s head dress over her head. She was thin and very fair with beautiful blue eyes, with a figure which may beat the best hindi cine actress. I have seen the German girls here and all are having beautiful features which may even outbeat the Bollywood cine stars. I wondered whether all Spanish girls would be like her. Cannot be, my possessiveness reminded me. 

Surprisingly Stella was a vegetarian. Unlike some proclaimed vegetarians in India  , though they claim to be vegetarian, there is no taboo in taking eggs or fish ,she never used to take eggs even. Probably as the embryo might not have developed in eggs,  they consider not killing any livings. I watched her walking along with me like  lovers walk in hindi movies. 

‘Do the Indian girls share their bed with guys?’

‘ Normally , no, because we consider Indian culture is unique and superior’.  

I imagined how girls are marched on the ramp , half nude and people around watching the breast size, narrow line of the waist line, then down the naval and measuring the  fathom along with blistering of photo flashes etc, etc. So also there is no objection from any quarters, even from feminists when nude scenes are shown in cinema. But speak loud about Indian culture. If I had to tell all these she would get frightened and never come to India at all. 

“ hai, I have read that Indian girls are sold out side and people make money even politicians are involved”.

I somehow parried the question and answered “ oh, these are all happenings throughout the world, and India is no exception”.  We talked about our great India culture, Kerala culture, Tamil Nadu culture each state will claim that its culture is the best. 

Her family consisted of her brother and parents. Parents were quite old . My initial assumption that all foreigners were rich proved wrong . Of course they were rich to their level, taking care of themselves and keeping themselves engaged. Farming was given much importance and her parents were engaged in farming.   As the government provided old age benefits like health insurance pension etc her parents were seemingly happy. Her parents came to Germany holidaying for a week. They stayed with us. Unlike their daughter , they were not vegetarians.

“ Hello, gentle man , How are you, Mr Menong?” her father addressed me in a typical European accent. He totally made me a Chinese.

A few days with a ghost.                          Adv. Janardhanan venkiachalam

                                                                                                                    continues